I’m not one to normally write a letter because I stopped believing in you so many years ago, but I’m making an exception because apparently, according to my kids and husband, I am moody around this time of year. My Psychiatrist says I have issues with you that need to be laid out on the table and since I’m in the process of decluttering my life, I am starting with you.
I’ve always blamed you for my social disorder and uncheery demeanor during the holidays. It all started from the time I asked for an Atari gaming system in 1984 and you brought me a 10 speed bike claiming I should go out and play more. Well I did Santa, I went out and played, and I found it hard to make friends. I became that geeky weird girl in the neighborhood that wore the thick black rimmed glasses and snorted a lot. The girl who talked about super heroes and video games when everyone else was talking about buying their first bra and starting her period. When someone asked me “Did you start your period yet?”, do you know what I replied Santa? I replied “Oh yea, I’m already on level 15!” I had no clue what they were talking about unless it included video games and comic books, but I tried hard to fit in and only got laughed at.
In 1985 I asked for a Nintendo (NES) and you brought me a pair of skates. You told me skating would make me an athlete! A star in the Olympics! So I tried skating! I went outside and I rolled on those stupid ugly things for days without success. I ended up with bruises and bumps and a broken arm. The neighborhood laughed at me even more as I had to wear tape between my glasses when they broke during my fall and I had to beat the hell out of Peter Duran for putting that pebble in the path of my figure eight. I wouldn’t have had that abuse if you had only brought me an NES!
A few years later in 1989 I asked for a Sega Genisis and you brought me some clothes. Clothes Santa? Really? You said you thought the clothes would give me a push in the right direction with the neighborhood kids, but Jordache Jeans had gone out of style and I endured the pain of being the cool kids tourture bag once again. I got so mad that year I stole Stephanie Braziel’s pants out of the girls lockeroom because I liked hers better, but she ended up dating the guy I liked because she ran out of the gym in these frilly pink undies and landed right on top of him. I never get lucky! I should have known style was not one of your fortes, you work with a bunch of elves who wear the same thing everyday for crying out loud!
I gave up on asking you for anything after that, but I think I saw your fat tubby self at my wedding in 91. Yeah it was you. I saw you sitting at the bar with this cheery grin and writing my name down on the naughty list just because I lifted my dress and screamed “Donkey Kong Country!” while pointing between my legs. I was drunk! So what! You still ate all the cookies at the dessert table and the Vodka and Milk went missing.
1995 I wrote a letter to you asking for a Sony Playstation. You never responded. I burned my tree and made a bonfire in your name.
After all that, after all the times you have tried to get me to be a “normal” kid. I still haven’t changed. I’m a big girl now with a degree in computer science, I write a blog to encourage geek families, and I have an endless love for playing video games that involve shooting jolly old men.
But I’m hoping we can put the past behind us now. Maybe we started off on the wrong foot? I’m willing to forgive you if you could at least look at how many times you’ve tried to get me to be everything else BUT myself. Now that I’m going through mid-life and finding myself again, I realized that I love being myself, I love being nerdy and geeky and cosplaying (or “playing pretend” as you call it) my favorite super heroes at conventions. All these things you thought I was not suppose to be or do as a woman were all the things about myself that you denied.
I won’t hide my inner nerd anymore. You are an echo of my past that is no longer a burden to my self identity and therefore I’m writing this for closure.
I love video games and computers and technology Santa and all those kids you wanted me to be like, well, now they want to be like me and I because of everything you’ve put me through, and everything you never got me, I’ve become a Super Nerdy Mom raising my own kids on everything you didn’t believe in. No worries though Santa, even though you didn’t believe girls should play video games, I somehow, for some reason, still believed in you.
PS. I want a new computer system for Christmas this year. Think you can manage that? I might not have to kidnap any of your Elves this year.